Moonlight sonata.

 My wife's oldest cousin passed away last week. We weren't very close, but I don't think he was sick with anything. He had a heart attack playing tennis on a Saturday afternoon. He was 51.

When I was younger, I often wondered if people knew that the day they died was going to be their last day alive. As in you wake up in the morning and you get a feeling that was the last time you did that.

I don't think my wife's cousin woke up last Saturday and knew that was that. In fact, I've come to the conclusion that we don't know, really. We wake up as if it were any other day, because it might as well be. Whether in my wife's cousin's case, or when you have an accident, you don't really know your number is up. Maybe if you're sick in hospital or something, or if you're really old. Otherwise, I don't think you know. (Unless, of course, you commit suicide.)

One of the things that have made me come to this conclusion is watching videos of attacks on the street. Just this morning I saw one. This guy walks up behind a police officer. In a split second, he's tried to stab the police officer, and his partner has turned around to come to his rescue, and next thing you know, they have shot the guy dead. There you have it. I don't think the guy knew one minute before two minutes later he would no longer be alive.

I've read about the spike in brain activity a couple of minutes after your heart stops beating in cases of heart failure. I wonder what my wife's cousin saw in his mind's eye. He must have felt the pain - I've read heart attacks are very painful. But after he lost consciousness, did he slip straight into a dreamlike state? Or is it more like when you fall asleep and you're not really conscious or aware of anything at all - not until later when you start dreaming?

I hope I die when I'm very old. I want to see my children grow, and I want to see my grandchildren. My great grandchildren if I can.